Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Thoughts on Living Large & Feeling Small

Ganoga Falls @ Ricketts Glen State Park:
ricketts glen // at the edge

These past few weeks have been confusing for me, however as I stood next to a 94 foot waterfall near my hometown last Saturday I had a moment of clarity. I felt small for the first time in weeks. Maybe months. I felt small in size. I felt small in ratio to the nature surrounding me. My problems felt small, too. I just breathed the misty air, listened to the water rushing over the edge, and let everything go.

Last time I checked in here, I was busy. I was eating more, but over-analyzing how much I ate and how much I exercised. All the math and charts on calories in, calories out, grams of this, percents of that were starting to drive my productivity throughout the day down and my stress level up. It all felt very unnatural to me so I decided it's time to just stop for a while. I don't want to plan every morsel and fret over every bite any more. I started reading Geneen Roth's When Food Is Love, which has inspired me to give intuitive eating a try. Eat when you're hungry, don't eat when you're not. I'm trying to pay more attention to what my body is telling me than to what the food scale is telling me and so far it's helped me really appreciate the food I'm eating.

I'm doing a little spring cleaning from the inside out. Intuitive eating is one part of it. The other part is self-love, which I've discussed a bit here. Body image is something that most women struggle with, and I am no exception. I've made a promise to myself not to pick on my reflection from here on out and have been practicing positive affirmations. It's freeing to feel like I'm starting to accept and love the body that I have rather than pine for the body that I want.

Healthy Happy Hiking.

I want to stop trying to perfect my life and start living it as is. All the kinks and wrinkles will smooth themselves out in time - there's no sense in letting the moment pass while worrying about what's to come. Challenging myself physically, nurturing my body, kindling my creativity, connecting with nature and sharing the love that I have to offer are my priorities.

Our hike through Ricketts Glen reminded me of all the places I'd like to travel to and terrains I'd like to conquer. At 24 years old, I can't help but think about all the adventures ahead of me. I find nature so humbling. For example, the waterfall is magnificent, beautiful, and strong and it doesn't even have to try. It just is. I guess in many ways I'd like to be just like that 94 foot waterfall.


Diana said...

That place looks beautiful.
And I love this entry, you sounds very peaceful :)

Sarah said...

: )

Dinah said...

Good good good good! I've been fretting over your past few entries a little because I noticed you sounded very concerned with things like calorie counts. Not that this awareness is a bad thing, it can just be so stifling sometimes. You are beautiful and you deserve to enjoy yourself. I'm so happy for you and I'm truly inspired by your ability to inspire!

Jenelle said...

Thanks so much for your concern Dinah. I was getting pretty concerned about myself to be honest. I'm feeling more and more comfortable in my own skin as I let go of the numbers.

Dinah said...

P.S You look sooo cute in your hiking outfit! I should take a picture of me in mine. I went on a big hike last weekend with my hair in pigtail briads so I can only imagine how little I looked!
P.P.S Hooray!!

Diane Fit to the Finish said...

You look so strong, fit, and small in that picture Jenelle! I know firsthand that working through the details of long term maintenance can be frustrating. You are doing a great job and I like how positive you ended this post.

You are so young and can do anything with what you have already accomplished!

Post a Comment