Thoughts on Living Large & Feeling Small

Ganoga Falls @ Ricketts Glen State Park:

These past few weeks have been confusing for me, however as I stood next to a 94 foot waterfall near my hometown last Saturday I had a moment of clarity. I felt small for the first time in weeks. Maybe months. I felt small in size. I felt small in ratio to the nature surrounding me. My problems felt small, too. I just breathed the misty air, listened to the water rushing over the edge, and let everything go.

Last time I checked in here, I was busy. I was eating more, but over-analyzing how much I ate and how much I exercised. All the math and charts on calories in, calories out, grams of this, percents of that were starting to drive my productivity throughout the day down and my stress level up. It all felt very unnatural to me so I decided it's time to just stop for a while. I don't want to plan every morsel and fret over every bite any more. I started reading Geneen Roth's When Food Is Love, which has inspired me to give intuitive eating a try. Eat when you're hungry, don't eat when you're not. I'm trying to pay more attention to what my body is telling me than to what the food scale is telling me and so far it's helped me really appreciate the food I'm eating.

I'm doing a little spring cleaning from the inside out. Intuitive eating is one part of it. The other part is self-love, which I've discussed a bit here. Body image is something that most women struggle with, and I am no exception. I've made a promise to myself not to pick on my reflection from here on out and have been practicing positive affirmations. It's freeing to feel like I'm starting to accept and love the body that I have rather than pine for the body that I want.

Healthy Happy Hiking.

I want to stop trying to perfect my life and start living it as is. All the kinks and wrinkles will smooth themselves out in time - there's no sense in letting the moment pass while worrying about what's to come. Challenging myself physically, nurturing my body, kindling my creativity, connecting with nature and sharing the love that I have to offer are my priorities.

Our hike through Ricketts Glen reminded me of all the places I'd like to travel to and terrains I'd like to conquer. At 24 years old, I can't help but think about all the adventures ahead of me. I find nature so humbling. For example, the waterfall is magnificent, beautiful, and strong and it doesn't even have to try. It just is. I guess in many ways I'd like to be just like that 94 foot waterfall.

Here and There

This past month has been wonderfully busy. Relaxing and running on the beach, biking and eating my way through Portland, boxing up my belongings and putting them all back together in my new apartment and squeezing all the fun I can out of summer as it winds down into what is sure to be a similarly busy autumn and winter.

Because of all the madness, I have been eating out much more than usual. Some food highlights:




Crabs in South Carolina from Harrelson's Seafood. Dad and I went on a hunt for whole fresh crabs while staying at the condo near Myrtle Beach. I asked two teenage boys at a produce stand (where I bought the juiciest peach I've eaten) if they knew where we could find them and they tipped us off on this little fish market at Murrell's Inlet. This was my first time cleaning the insides of crabs and, though I sustained minor injury, it was worth the hard work.




Stumptown Coffee in Portland, Oregon. House made udon, waffle sandwiches, vegan cupcakes, mountains of Pad Thai, sustainable sushi, sweet potato pancakes, vegan pizza... We planned our days around food in Portland. However, nearly every morning we woke up and walked up the hill to Freshpot where we jotted down notes for the day over a hot cup of Stumptown Coffee. Smooth and strong and perfectly brewed. I left the city with the inability to continue happily consuming Starbucks' muck (and a bag of fresh roasted beans to hold me over until my Stumptown Coffee subscription kicks in).




Oregon's bounty. Everything is so perfectly fresh in the Northwest. We drove out along the Columbia River Scenic Byway (Mt. Hood.. wow) and stopped at Cody Orchards Market, where we bought fresh cherries, pears, apricots and apple cider. We also checked out a co-op in the city, finding healthy, local and fresh snacks after a long walk in Washington Park.

Upon returning from vacation, I immediately moved into a new apartment. My fridge was empty and my cookware was packed, so more eating out ensued. After a long break from cooking and baking, it felt so wonderful to turn the stove back on. Though I did a good job of eating well while on vacation, there's something about making my own food that puts me at ease. Just yesterday I made Thai Style Corn Pancakes, a recipe that I found in (again) How To Cook Everything Vegetarian. I made a few substitution, cut back on oil and enjoyed these little cakes with a side of Tofutti Sour Cream. I found a recipe for this blogged at Recession Recipes



Thankfully I was able to keep active throughout both trips. In SC I was able to run on the beach, swim in the ocean and go for a few bike rides. In OR, we rented bikes for a few days and relied on them for transportation. My legs felt like jello after the first day. We also did a lot of walking and hiking. As we were hiking up to the top of Multnomah Falls, I kept thinking about how before the weightloss what I was doing would have been absolutely impossible. This made our arrival at the top that much more triumphant.

Hiking is interesting for someone who has undergone a body transformation of sorts. I still feel like my center of balance is not exactly what it should be. I also tend to feel like I won't fit through passage ways or that logs/rocks would not hold my weight. I've been a lot more adventurous lately because I'm starting to trust my body. Hopefully I can get a few more outdoor adventures in before the end of the summer, though thus far it's definitely been one to remember.